Good afternoon. I’d like to thank the Stop the Loss Foundation for having me. I’d like to thank the military representatives who’ve come out to tangibly show resolve against the stigma of seeking mental healthcare. And thank you to the other speakers. And finally, I’d like to extend my empathy and sympathy to all the veterans and current service members and their families in attendance today, who are dealing with the camouflaged wounds of war. You are not forgotten or excluded today. Hopefully you never will be.
As a combat veteran who had to cope with the mental traumas arising from my experiences at war, I feel you. I feel this cause.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell you with medical certainty what was wrong with me when I returned home from Iraq in 2004, because I was one of those stubborn vets who refused to get help or treatment, even though I knew there was something very wrong with me – something very wrong with my mind. There were the usual symptoms: violent flashbacks to my experiences at war that chilled my bones; being unable to take off my combat edge and often snapping, ready to fight in a moment’s notice; crying without ceasing when I was reminded of my dead friends; lonely nights with a bottle of vodka and enough Red Bull to explode an elephant’s heart.
Yes, I knew there was something wrong. But I didn’t know why.
I became a writer as a personal therapy to help shed the skin of my painful experiences. And I discovered the power of words – especially creative nonfiction: true words to help create awareness and create change for a better world.
So, after getting a fancy master’s degree in creative writing and completing thousands of hours of writing and research on military and veteran issues, I can finally tell you now that I do know why I was messed up then.
So here it is. Here’s what I would like every congressman, senator, and concerned American to know about war and why it affects our men and women in the way it does.
Please consider this fact first. Nearly half of the enlisted force in the Marine Corps today is under 25. And what exactly are these magnificent men and women doing in Afghanistan and Iraq today? Let me paint you a picture the only way I know how – with words.
There is a constant fear even though it is never mentioned. There are no front lines so no one is safe. Enemy rockets and mortars don’t discriminate on whether you’re sleeping on your cot on base, lighting up a cigarette, playing the guitar or poker with your friends, or talking on a satellite phone to your mom back home. They don’t care where you are or who you are. They will kill you anytime.
And IEDs don’t care what your job is. If you’re riding in a humvee -- whether you’re a supply person, or cook, or machine gunner – when they explode like an unseen and deadly surprise, they will melt your flesh, slice off your legs, or pummel your sternum with piercing shrapnel so you can bleed out slow.
The sniper just the same, does not care. When he sees you through his scope, he will explode your skull, knowing that when your brains paint the sand with scarlet, he has victory.
This is war, folks. This is what we’ve asked a new generation of young Americans to bear for an entire decade now. Think about that. Let that number mull around in your mind. Ten years.
Now, let’s contrast our combat veteran’s experiences with the typical experiences of the other 99% of young Americans who don’t serve and are also under the age of 25.
They might get up early. Say, maybe nine or ten. They’ll take a warm shower, blow dry their hair, and show up to class, where they might doze off during the lecture. Or maybe they do have a job. Maybe they’ll sit in traffic, listening to their I-Pods, AC blasting, in their modern and safe cars. They’ll have to look busy all day behind something light and digital.
Or maybe they’ll work a blue collar job at a lumber mill or dock. Tough work. I know that from experience, too. But no one will be shooting at them. No one of thousands of hostile insurgents will be praying for and actively seeking their deaths.
When you compare and contrast these wildly different existences, my question to anyone listening now is this: how can someone not be mentally damaged from their experiences at war?
It’s so fundamentally different from an average life here in the states, that I dare you to find me one person who’s been over there who hasn’t been affected at all. Remember this, EVERYONE GETS POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS. Everyone. For the reasons I’ve shown you, it’s just not possible to be unaffected by war. The D in PTSD however, the Disorder, occurs when after six months to a year the veteran can’t live a normal life. They can’t sleep in their bed with their wife because of the nightmares. They can’t work in a team environment, because they’re scared and confused by all the movement and noise. They can’t stop crying when the news says, “another soldier dead.”
The Veterans Affairs Department of the United States of America conservatively estimates that the there is an 18% prevalence rate of PTSD amongst our returning veterans. Okay, 18 percent. Doesn’t sound that bad, really. Until you realize that two million have served over there. And 18% of that number means that 360,000, or the population of New Orleans, is mentally not well.
Oh yes, it’s that alarming. And we veterans need your help. We’ve done what you’ve asked without mutiny, argument, or rebellion. We’ve born the weight of our nation’s battles and some of us have done that for ten years now. Let’s give all of our veterans the honor they deserve. Let’s give honor for all.
I’d like to close with a poem I wrote about suicide. Because, unfortunately, the number 18 appears again in the Department of Veterans Affairs’ statistics. 18, as in 18 veterans a day commit suicide.
(Poem not included because I’m seeking its publication.)
~ Semper Fi ~
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